I can honestly say this is what my life is missing at the moment. I wasn’t too sure what it was until it suddenly dawned on me. Call me silly, but I find that writing this blog is therapeutic, in a way. It allows me to sit down for half an hour and evaluate whats going on in my head and put together a proper sentence or two to share with the online world. Its funny that, the thing that always takes a backseat first, when life gets ahead of you, is often the thing you need the most.
Wait, I don’t want to get too insightful too quickly so let me back up. Over the last few months my life has been a crazy mixture of new jobs, different ways of earning the dolla, reuniting with family and continually getting new ideas and new ways to move forward in life. I have achieved things I set out to achieve and the beginning of this year and I am honestly thrilled, I am always setting new goals and making crazy decisions. During that time I went through a brief obsession with the song ‘Sunscreen.’ (That slightly random 1999 spoken word song that made it to number 1) One verse in the song goes like this:
“Don’t feel guilty if you don’t know what you want to do with your life. The most interesting people I know didn’t know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives. Some of the most interesting 40-year-olds I know, still don’t.”
I have never before had lyrics speak to me so deeply, the whole song is brilliant but I think this particular verse is what I needed to hear and this point in my life. Don’t get me wrong, I love everything I do, but theres not ONE single thing that I can say ‘YES I want to do this every waking minute for the rest of my life’. Maybe, despite what the lyrics say – this comes with age? Who knows.
Whenever I think of this, I think of how a child thinks of the world. As a child you think that anything is possible and everyone is equal and able. Somewhere along the lines as adults we lose that. When you sit and have a conversation with someone younger than thirteen it is so insightful. You can see the beginning of personality traits and blatantly innocent views on the world, which as an ‘adult’ (although I still don’t feel comfortable calling myself that) you hope they never lose.
I know I have spoken about me, myself and my decisions a lot in this blog post but I think theres a lesson to learn here. I hope I am living by the moto ‘If it doesn’t make you happy, don’t do it.’ but then again, I hope I’m not taking that too literally. I hope that with age will come clarity but then again, I hope I always listen to my gut and make decisions on impulses. I hope I never lose my love for life but then again, I hope I learn that even though sometimes things may be hard, there is always something to make you smile.
I hope there will always be something to make me smile. I KNOW there will always be something to make me smile.